I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The power of my boobs compel you
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
