hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
