I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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