I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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