please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
