nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
