if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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