i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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