this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
