Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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