sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
