I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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