I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
