I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
my poor anus
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
