she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
