We named our party play list daddy issues
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
