If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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