I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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