I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
