I wish I could teleport
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize