I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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