so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
