Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
