shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
