So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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