I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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