ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
