My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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