i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
