good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
