From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
