I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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