I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
