Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
