I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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