im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
