i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
