wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
