is your mom at the bar?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
