apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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