i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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