It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
