i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
