Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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