just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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