Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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