I'm going to jail i love you
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
