His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
