the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
this will be a night to untag.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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