I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
