I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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