once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
