bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am one with the molecules
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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