JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
