you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
