Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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