first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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