i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
