So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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