I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
