I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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