You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
