She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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