I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
