mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
