Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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