my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
