Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
