went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
