Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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