Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
