No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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