yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
