so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I see more hoeing in ur future
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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