Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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