i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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