So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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