Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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