Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
