Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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