oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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