When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
