Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Apparently you make a good broom.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
