Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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