i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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