You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
