My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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