Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
